


What Makes You Happy?

by ImagineAvengers



Category: Avengers, MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-01-24 07:59:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18567199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineAvengers/pseuds/ImagineAvengers
Summary: Begins during CA: The Winter Soldier





	1. Chapter 1

Sam really did enjoy his morning run.  It helped to clear his mind of the noise, the world around him that cluttered his thoughts, so that he could focus on what was most important to him.  Today, that just happened to be his own future and what that looked like now that his life had changed so much over the course of the past year.  When he came home from war, he was broken, uncertain, and had no idea of how to live the so-called normal life anymore.  Fighting was all that he knew, and the nightmares robbed him of sleep so often that he began to haze night and day together.  Sleep had become a luxury and he wandered through his life confused and misguided.  If he hadn’t wandered into the VA building on what had been one of the worst days of his life back at home, there was no telling where he’d be right now.  He would still be running, but it would be away from his future and not towards it.

 

It was strange to think that he was now doing exactly what had saved him, counselling others as they tried to heal from their own experiences, and honestly, it healed him even more.  But beyond that and what the group had given him, was the chance to have a future with another person at his side, someone who understood him more than anyone there could.  Because he wandered into that very building at that exact moment on that particular day out of all of the others, he met you.

 

Maybe today would be the day that he pulled together his bravery and asked you the question he never thought he’d ask anyone.  Maybe it would be tomorrow, he wasn’t sure.  He was sure that he was going to ask you soon, and he had never been more certain of anything else in his entire life.  There was no way in hell that he’d let anything take you from him now.

 

“On your left.”

 

Sam snapped out of his own mind and skipped the slightest step at the intrusion into his solitude, ready to turn to whoever this guy thought he was and give him a piece of his mind about etiquette.  When he looked to the left that was so rudely pointed out, he fell mute at who he was seeing, and suddenly it didn’t matter so much that he was interrupted. 

 

It was Captain Freaking America.

 

“Weird, didn’t think he needed to run,” he mumbled to himself, getting back to his thoughts. He had purchased a ring for you weeks ago, he just hadn’t decided yet how to propose the right way.  Sam wanted it to be perfect, as any man would at such an important moment-

 

“On your left.”

 

“Uh huh, on my left. Got it.”

 

 _Jesus, really_?  He knew this guy was a big deal, being an Avenger and all, but he was really chipping away at the respect that Sam was trying diligently to maintain.  The road was completely open out in front of them and there was absolutely no reason for him to have to announce himself.  It’s not like Sam was running back and forth across the road to where Rogers would have to worry about knocking him over, so what the hell was this guy’s play here? 

 

Okay, back to it.  At his current pace it would put him home for breakfast by 7am to meet you before you had to leave for work.  He made it a point to be there each day since you had moved in with him a month before; it wasn’t so much that he didn’t think you could get up and out on your own, it was that he couldn’t carry out his own day without seeing you first.  You had become such a constant in his life that he couldn’t imagine not having-

 

Footsteps again.  Very fast footsteps.

 

“Don’t say it!” he warned. “Don’t you say it!”

 

“On your left.”

 

“Come on!”

 

Sam kicked into high speed as best as his already fatigued legs would let him, but his lungs were burning with each breath and his side began to ache even after only a few agonizing feet.  The Captain had taken a ridiculous lead again and was nearly out of sight, so he decided it best to just call it a morning and lay down before he died right there by the reflecting pool.  He knew that the guy would be back around just to antagonize him more, so he should at least try to stay alive for it.

 

~~~

 

It was strange for Sam to not make it home from his run to say goodbye to you before you left for work, but he would get sidetracked here and there, so you figured that was the case again today.  You waited as long as you could before you’d be late and in trouble with the boss again, but when Sam still didn’t show, you sent a quick text and made your way out.

 

_Missed you, had to go.  Have a great day.  Love you._

 

You were almost to the doors of your building when the reply finally came in.

 

_Baby, I’m sorry.  I’ve got a story for you when you get home.  Love you too._

 

The next day, it wouldn’t be Sam who missed you; you were the one to miss him as you had to leave early, receiving an urgent call that everyone needed to check in as quickly as possible.  It wasn’t a good sign of things to come, and no one would give any hints as to what was happening so that you knew if you had to warn Sam or not.  Your work was risky enough for you, and you would never forgive yourself if he became caught up in it.  He had served enough.

 

“Am I late?” you rushed to your desk, throwing your bag beneath it without care. 

 

“No, I don’t think so,” the young man next to you whispered, looking as nervous as you had ever seen him. “They told us to stay here, and our phones and computers are locked down.”

 

“Thanks, Cam,” you smiled cautiously, watching your other teammate hurry in much as you just had, dropping herself heavily into her chair with a huff.  “Hey, Sharon.  We haven’t heard anything yet.  Do you know what’s going on?”

 

“No idea.”

 

“Great.”  Taking a minute to catch your breath, you began to set up your desk for the day, smiling to yourself at the sight of Sam’s face looking back from the screensaver on your phone.  He had been acting really strange the night before, but you figured it was just the continued fangirling of meeting Captain America throwing him off his game.  “Oh, hey,” you turned to Sharon again, “you’ll never guess who Sam met yesterday-“

 

“Eyes up here. Whatever your op is, bury it.”

 

Cameron nudged you to get your attention towards the voice echoing across the room, standing up with both you and Sharon as the rest of the agents followed suit.  With every word spoken and no matter how much you couldn’t believe any of them, you and Sharon had shared a look of knowing better than to argue, and to just keep your heads down until you could know more.  She had confided in you when she shouldn’t have, that she was ordered to guard a high-ranking official within SHIELD, but she had never told you who it was.  She looked strangely reserved today, and she looked as if she hadn’t slept at all.  As soon as the picture ahead of you lit the room and when the unbelievable words were spoken, you put it all together as to why.

 

“Captain America is a fugitive from SHIELD.”

 

~~~

 

Sam used to really love his morning run.  Now he felt like he always had to watch his back for the appearance of Steve giving him shit for not running fast enough.  It made it much more difficult to clear his mind and think about what he needed to when he felt almost nervous to meet the guy again.  You were right, he had been fangirling just a little bit, but Captain America had always been his favorite Avenger since the group had come together a couple of years before.  You gave him a hard time about it, joking that of course the walking flag was his favorite, but it was more than that.  Steve just seemed like a genuine, nice guy, and those seemed to be rare these days.

 

So, when he got home on this morning, he didn’t think twice about opening the door and letting Steve and Natasha into your shared home despite their beaten and scared appearance and the risk he was putting everyone in by doing so.

 

“I’m sorry about this,” Steve said, “but we need a place to lay low.”

 

“Everyone we know is trying to kill us,” Natasha added.

 

You recognized the voices immediately, even from the other side of the house as you decided whether or not you would be going to work today.  Being a part of a manhunt for Steve felt incredibly wrong, and even though Sharon had insisted that she was staying and playing along until she knew more, you were struggling with it too much and your poker face wasn’t nearly as perfected as hers was.  Now that the two most wanted people in Washington were standing in your kitchen, the choice to stay home had been made for you.

 

“Captain,” you greeted with a tense smile, “Nat.”

 

“(Y/N)?” she answered curiously.  The alarms began to sound in her head as she put it together that they may have just walked into the perfect trap and that you were about to get promoted for the biggest apprehension in SHIELD history.  “What are you…um, I didn’t know that you were seeing anyone?”

 

“I usually keep my private life private.  Too many occupational hazards.”

 

“Yeah, obviously,” she scoffed.  “I think we should go, Steve-“

 

“No, Nat, stay,” you urged, stepping closer with your hands raised, “I’m on your side, I promise. I’m not going to turn you in.”

 

“Hold up, you all know each other?” Sam joined in, watching your conversation along with Steve, the two men looking equally nervous.  “Babe, I told you that I met Cap and you acted like it was nothing.”

 

“Well, he wasn’t a wanted man then.  But now that he is, things just got a whole lot more complicated, didn’t they?”

 

“We don’t want to cause you any trouble, (Y/N),” Steve began, but you stopped him.

 

“Well, we’re a little past that already, don’t you think?”  You looked around the group and held your gaze with Sam for a moment, considering your next step.  You could stay here and help them, or you could go to work and try to get SHIELD off their trail, but as Sam’s features began to change as his mind raced, you had a new problem to deal with.  “Sam Wilson, no.  I know what you’re thinking, and just…no.”

 

“Yeah, and I can see that you’re about to go in to work and risk yourself getting caught trying to hide them.  Don’t look so shocked like I don’t know you, (Y/N).”

 

“I have the resources to do it, though.”

 

“I have resources too,” he huffed, looking to Steve and Nat to try to be better convincing.

 

“Oh, right, I forgot,” you snickered, “readily available.  You’ve tried to get your wings before, in case you’ve forgotten how spectacularly that went.  I had to get a special concession from Fury just to get you probation instead of federal prison.  You still owe the guy for that, so let’s not push our luck, alright?”

 

“That was a misunderstanding, Cap,” Sam tried, only to incite the first laugh from Steve that he had been capable of in days.  “Hey, come on.  They were really hard to get to, and I may have taken a wrong turn or two.”

 

“How hard to get to?” Nat interjected, fully in business mode.  “Steve, we could use anything we can get.  If (Y/N) can infiltrate through SHIELD, we can take Sam-“

 

“No, I can’t ask you to do this, Sam,” Steve insisted, “you got out for a good reason.  (Y/N), having you on the inside already puts you at risk.”

 

“Captain America needs our help,” you shrugged, “there’s no better reason to get back in, and I never really liked my boss that much anyway.  He’s kind of a dick.  Suppose now I know why.”

 

Sam looked at you with a hint of pride in his eyes, but also an overwhelming sense of worry that the two of you had just gotten in over your heads for a man that at least he barely knew. It terrified him that you were becoming a part of this; he could handle it for himself, but if you were at SHIELD HQ while he was in the field with these two, he had no way to protect you. You probably didn’t really need him to, but he would still feel better thinking that he could.  The longer he looked your way, the more he talked himself out of arguing with you, and he finally turned to Steve and Nat and took the leap of faith.  “The last one is at Fort Meade.  Behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall.”

 

Steve checked in with you first, seeing nothing but agreement, followed by a glance to Nat who looked as if she had done worse than that a million times over.  The decision had been made, and apparently, he was outnumbered.

 

“Shouldn’t be a problem.”


	2. Chapter 2

With a cup of coffee in one hand and your SHIELD badge in the other, you walked as calmly as you could through the corridors of the hospital, nauseated by the sounds and scents of an environment that you wished you didn’t have to be in right now.  Sam had called and given you the okay to come up and see Steve as soon as he was out of surgery; he refused to leave the man’s side, so if you wanted to see Sam, you had to see Steve, too. 

 

“I’m here to see Captain Rogers,” you announced to the guard at the door, holding up your badge. 

 

The man who wore his bullet proof vest over his shirt like a newbie, and his gun too far forward on his hip as if no one would ever be able to reach it there, looked at your ID with a little too much attention.  It was painfully clear that he had no idea what he was actually looking at.  “I’m sorry, ma’am, but SHIELD no longer exists.”

 

“Seriously?  That was like three hours ago.  I haven’t exactly had time to find a new job yet.”

 

“Still, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in.”

 

With a huff you put your badge in your pocket and reached for your phone, only for the guard to straighten his posture with a hand sliding towards his weapon.  “Calm down, junior patrol, I’m getting my phone…see?”

 

“Sorry, ma’am.”

 

“And stop calling me ma’am,” you snapped, dialing quickly and bringing the phone to your ear.  “Hey, Sam.  I’m outside and there’s a baby ranger who won’t let me in.”

 

Heavy and fast footsteps towards the door left the poor young man startled and stepping aside, his eyes wide at his error and almost pleading for you to let him off the hook you’d hoisted his career on.  The door opened and Sam said nothing, holding it open for you to pass by him; he didn’t move, however, only staring at the guard with a straight face and not giving anything away.  It left the poor guy cowering and stepping back against the wall, staring ahead and hoping that Sam would just give up and leave him be.

 

“For future reference,” Sam smiled blankly, “that’s my wife, and she can come in here any time she wants, understood?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Good boy,” he answered, closing the door so the man could finally take a breath.  “Alright, so that guy won’t be a problem anymore.  Fixed it for ya, babe.”

 

“I’m your wife?” you smirked.  “When did we have time to get married in all of this?”

 

“He doesn’t need to know that.  It worked, okay, just play along.  We’ll get to that soon enough.”

 

“You seem pretty confident for a guy who hasn’t even asked me yet.”

 

“Uh…yeah…well…” Sam stammered, rubbing a nervous hand on his cheek as he struggled for an answer, “so about that…”

 

“Don’t do it here, please,” Steve joined in, groaning painfully as he pushed himself up to sit. He coughed away the stab in his side that stole his breath, trying to appear like his wounds weren’t all that bad, and that he was ready to get up and go, but when he sat up a little too quickly and his head began to spin he had to relent to what his body had survived and the super soldier dropped back against the pillow in rare defeat.

 

Poor Sam looked caught in a cross between relieved and annoyed, but he welcomed the distraction. After Steve had ruined his train of thought during that run at their first meeting, he hadn’t had time to think any more about how to go about asking you; hell, he hadn’t even bought a ring yet. He was grossly unprepared, but once this was over, and when he could trust Steve to be left alone and not get himself into even more trouble, he was all over it. 

 

“Hey, Cap,” you greeted, sitting on the edge of his bed next to him, “you look terrible.”

 

“Thanks.  I feel terrible.  That for me?” he nodded towards the cup in your hand.  “If it is, you’re my new favorite person.”

 

“I’m not already?” you gasped, mockingly slapping your hand to your chest. 

 

“Yes, of course you’re my favorite,” he managed to smile, “don’t tell Sam that though, okay?  Don’t want to give him the wrong idea.  He’s a little possessive when it comes to you, doll.”

 

“Yeah, I should’ve warned you, sorry about that.  He means well, though.”

 

“I’m sure he does,” Cap agreed, holding out his hand, “so, for me?”

 

“For you,” you nodded, finally handing the cup over to him.  You watched as he carefully pulled the lid away and took in the scent of the drink and allowed the heat to spread across his lips as he finally took a sip.  Steve had just a moment of contentment before you had to ask him, even though you knew the question could steal away the few seconds of happiness that you had allowed.  “Steve,” you began quietly, glancing back over your shoulder for listeners, “what are you going to do now?  Are you going after him?”

 

“I have to, (Y/N).”

 

“I know.  But what I don’t know…is if you’re taking Sam with you.”

 

“(Y/N)-“

 

“I also know that you’ve asked him, Steve.  He’ll go with you, and that’s his decision.  I won’t try to stop him,” you reassured, “and I’ll do whatever I can to keep you both undercover.  But you have to promise me something before I’ll be okay with this.”

 

“Name it.”

 

Taking another look back at Sam, he appeared to be back into his reading and not paying you much attention. He was a strong man; he had proven that time and again in his own right long before he had met Steve, and now he was powerful in a completely different way.  He had so much trouble coming back to a normal life after his two tours, and you had been at his side during the worst of it.  But then he found a new fight at the Captain’s side, and he found a new purpose for his skill.  He also found a new reason to get back into service, and the nightmares had finally stopped.  Sam was actually happy for the first time in far too long.

 

“Bring him home safe. Promise me, Steve.”

 

“I promise,” he answered immediately.  “I promise, I’ll protect him and I’ll bring him back to you.”

 

“What if it comes down to him or Barnes?  Can you still promise that to me?”

 

You may as well have just slapped Steve across the face for the look he was giving you, as if the thought both terrified and shocked him that he hadn’t come to it on his own.  He would protect Sam just as he promised, that wasn’t a lie or a quick answer to get his way; he would give his own life for Sam already even after knowing him for such a short time.  Steve had been your friend since he joined SHIELD, and if you loved Sam, then he could never be a part of risking that loss.  But he had also been Bucky’s friend for decades, and that was a loss that he could never shake; if it came down to the two men and a choice had to be made…it wouldn’t be a choice that he would have any right to make.

 

“Yes, (Y/N),” he answered definitively, “I can still promise you that.”

 

~~~

 

What Steve couldn’t promise you, and what no one could, was that if the choice had to be made, who would Sam choose?

 

A few years later, when the choice had to be made between you, his new wife of barely a year, and Steve, his best friend, you never would have considered that he would pause to decide. Your lives had brought you from D.C. to live in upstate New York at the Avengers compound once Sam had officially joined the team.  After SHIELD fell, you were left adrift and unsure of where your career would take you; it had been with Nick and the team for a while, but it had become too difficult to work with Sam.  Nick had put you into a position of authority and you were uncomfortable with the conflicts it had created between you.

 

It was also Nick who found a tenable answer, bringing you to work with Sharon again with the Joint Terrorism Task Force.  She was stationed in Berlin, and you were stationed in Manhattan, but you kept in touch and shared information when the other might benefit.  The connection between you had been collegial and friendly until the Accords were introduced; the life that you and Sam had built had been untested and happy until the Accords made their unwelcome appearance.

 

Everything had been going so well until he was forced to make a choice, and it wasn’t you.

 

“Honey, let’s just go to the service with Steve, and we can talk about this when we get back,” Sam urged as he unpacked his suitcase.  “He needs us right now.  He’s going through a really rough spot.”  He was looking away, your backs to each other as you worked, but you didn’t need to see him to know exactly what expression he was wearing as he spoke.

 

“I know he is, and I can’t imagine what that feels like for him, but we can’t just brush this whole Accords thing aside and act like it’s not a big deal.  If you don’t sign-“

 

“Then I won’t be an Avenger anymore,” he shrugged, “and we’ll move to the city so you can be closer to work. I can try to get work with the VA here…I might have a few connections.”

 

“You say that like you’re okay with it,” you answered flatly.  “I know that you’re not.  That life isn’t for you anymore, not after you’ve been a part of this one for so long.”

 

“I’ll adapt, just like I’ve done before.  Listen, let’s not worry about that today, please,” he paused, turning towards you. He crossed the small hotel room and pulled you to him, resting his forehead gently against yours as he held you. You always felt safe in those arms, but today, you only felt fear that you wouldn’t have this feeling for long. “Let’s just go support our friend. Let’s be here for Steve.”

 

“Okay,” you exhaled heavily, your voice shaking, “we can go.  You’re right, we’re here for Cap, so let’s do that.”  You released Sam and grabbed your coat, allowing your husband to take your arm and lead you through the hotel and onto the city sidewalk, but the silence between you was heavy and palpable to even those who passed by.  His grip on you was firm, but you could feel the subtle tremor in his hand even through the heavy material that kept you warm.  Maybe it was the chill in the hazy breeze, or maybe it was the sense of sadness he carried for his friend, but whatever it was, rather than leaving you with the need to console him it left you with a question that had lingered too long in your mind and it wasn’t the first time you had asked it.

 

Why was it always about Steve?


	3. Chapter 3

Man, you hated being this person.  You hated the negativity, the neediness, the lack of understanding.  You couldn’t stand that both the source and target of your anger was the one person you loved the most, and you couldn’t tolerate that he was just standing there and taking it so damn well.  He didn’t understand that all it did was make you angrier, and he just…he just didn’t get it at all.

 

As Sam tossed his clothes into his suitcase, standing in the middle of the bedroom at your home in D.C., each piece landed with more anger with each word as his own emotions finally began to match yours.  You found yourself actually welcoming them and readied yourself to match anything he would bring.  You were just starved for him to understand.  He was on one side of the bed and you were on the other, the furniture holding you apart, but the there was one thing that was keeping you at an even greater separation. 

 

“You’re not coming with us, are you?” he huffed.  “You’re really signing this thing?”

 

“No, I’m not signing. I’m stalling.  I’m staying behind to keep you one step ahead, Sam.”  You reached down and grabbed one of his t-shirts, your favorite to sleep in, and he unceremoniously and rudely pulled it from your grip to throw into his suitcase.

 

“You don’t need to do that. Cap will keep us undercover-“

 

“Dammit, Sam, I’m so sick of hearing about what Steve can do and how great Steve is, and how far up his ass you are like he can do nothing wrong.  This hero worship has got to stop.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?  What hero worship?”

 

“Oh, please, give me a break,” you snapped, taking the shirt back and tossing it out of his reach.  “I can’t keep having this argument with you, you know exactly what I mean.”

 

He honestly look confused, and for just a second, you worried that he was actually so far out of touch on what you were talking about.  This wasn’t the first time you had said the exact same things.  When the realization struck, the defensiveness built, and now each of you were fully shutting down, hands on hips and refusal to take a loss.  “Jesus, (Y/N), are you saying that I’m choosing Steve over you?  Are you fucking insane?”

 

“I don’t know, Sam, I just might be.  Who’s the one packing right now?”

 

“I am not signing those Accords because they’re a load of bullshit, and you think so too!  This has nothing to do with Cap!”

 

“Okay, so then tell me,” you asked sarcastically, “which section in particular made up your mind? I mean, there were like two or three subsections that really didn’t sit well with me but I could maybe see their point. I knew the exact moment when I couldn’t read any more after page 136.  What was it for you?”

 

“Well…um…I don’t know, there were a few things…”

 

“Okay, stop.  Just stop,” you waved him off, “you’re making an ass of yourself.  You didn’t read it at all did you?  The second that Steve said no, you fell into rank behind him.  Sam, listen to me, okay?  If this whole thing explodes, which it will, who is he gonna choose? You or Barnes?”

 

“Maybe you’re the one who needs to stop,” he mumbled, returning to his work.

 

“You can’t even answer that, can you?  You can’t answer that and you know that he might not choose you.  My god, Sam, you could end up in prison for this guy!  I respect Steve as much as anyone else. I’ve known him longer than you have, and I know that he’s doing what he thinks is right, but you can make up your own mind.  This isn’t just about you.  Have you thought about what this is doing to me?  Do you think that I want to stay here while you run?”

 

“Of course I have, but this is bigger than just us, (Y/N).”

 

“It always is, Sam.  Ever since Steve and Nat showed up on our doorstep, it’s been about everyone but us.”

 

“I can’t talk about this anymore,” he evaded, “so are you coming with us or are you going back with Nat to be someone you’re not?”

 

“Or, how about if you stay with me and we just leave this behind?” you offered, looking at him eagerly, as if the idea had never occurred to you until this moment.  Never once did you think that something could be so simple, and so enticing.

 

“You’re not serious.”

 

“I’m completely serious,” you pressed, stepping closer.  “Sam, we could go back to our lives, just us, the way it used to be before this team made everything so much…crazier.  We could tell Tony that we’ve decided to retire, and you could go back to working at the VA.  I can talk to Nick and see if he has any opportunities-“

 

Sam looked as if you had just slapped him across the face, his eyes practically bulging from his head in shock and utter disbelief.  The two of you had made the team your home, and it had completely enveloped your lives and redefined who you were, as individuals and together.  You had already been through more than a lifetime or two, and neither of you were sure if your marriage could survive heading into another one.  “Have you lost your mind?” he finally asked in a whisper, shaking and uncertain, terrified and betrayed.  “Do you realize what you’re asking of me?  I gave Cap my word.”

 

“Wow,” you answered in kind, just as taken aback, “well then, I guess I have my answer, don’t I? I mean, hell, you gave Cap your _word_.  We only exchanged promises to each other…vows that are supposed to be more important than any other.  What was I thinking, assuming that those actually meant a goddamn thing to you?”

 

“(Y/N)-“

 

“No, go on,” you nodded towards the door, “Tony’s expecting me back in New York, and god forbid you keep Steve waiting any longer.”

 

~~~

Maybe it wasn’t so bad that you were staying behind; at least you had Natasha with you. She was never one to turn down a good bitching session and a freshly opened bottle of vodka, and Tony had the best supply in the tri-state area.  She had been a confidant, a shoulder to lean on, and an unwavering friend when you had asked her one-too-many times if you had made the wrong decision.  You had asked her over and over if you should just go and find Sam, but she helped you stay strong in your resolve.  She knew why you were there, to keep Steve and Sam ahead of Tony, but she never told him, and for that you were grateful.

 

What you never expected was that she would be the one to turn and to leave you behind after the eruption in Germany that divided the team once and for all.  It was just one more thing on top of a pile of crap that was so high, you could barely see over it anymore and you began to lose sight of why you were even there.

 

“Hey,” Tony greeted solemnly, taking a seat next to you at the bar with a heavy drop onto the chair, “you look like hell.”

 

“Says the guy with massive shiner.  I thought that helmet had padding.”

 

“Yeah, well, some self-righteous star-spangled douchebag ripped it off.”

 

“Want me to kick his ass for you?” you smirked into your drink.  “I know for a fact that he’s been beaten up by a girl a few times.”

 

“I wouldn’t stop you, that’s for sure.”

 

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed to hear,” you answered, setting your glass down with a resolved slam. “See ya, Stark.  Don’t wait up for me.”

 

“Wait, what?  Where are you going?”  He stood to follow you from the room, but you had reached the door faster than he anticipated and you held up a hand to hold him back.  “I was joking, (Y/N), I think I should probably stop you.  Do you even know where he is?”

 

“Sweetie, I love you to death, but you know that I’m not gonna tell you that.  This is between me and Sam, and if Steve’s face happens to get in the way of my hand, then I can’t be held liable for that.  Don’t worry, Tony, I can handle myself.  Save it for someone who actually needs it.”

 

Once you left the room and the door had closed soundly behind you, Tony could only shake his head, confused and yeah, worried now about what you were going to do.  Sam was locked up in the Raft, and Steve was god-knows-where.  He could track you, but he wasn’t going to do that.  If you were going to unleash hell on Rogers, then he deserved it and you looked eager to do worse than he could ever come up with anyway.  Returning to his seat, he grabbed your glass and took down what you had left behind in a long swallow, grimacing at a flavor he couldn’t place.  All that time spent with Romanoff clearly burned away your taste buds and sense of quality alcohol. 

 

“Damn, kid, I wasn’t scared for Cap before, but I think you just changed my mind.”

 

~~~

 

Stumbling around in the underwater prison wasn’t quite what Steve had expected it to be.  He had planned this out for days, his path from the one weakness in the armor to where his team was being held had been clear to him until the moment his foot hit the floor.  He had barely touched the cold concrete and he felt oddly disoriented.  Things were in motion that he hadn’t planned or foreseen, and he was at a loss. 

 

The lights went out, and he hadn’t done anything.  Running dark was at least three steps ahead of where he was right now, and he was certain that no one had seen him yet.

 

A tap of a hand on his shoulder set him into panicked action, spinning around as he grabbed it and twisted, nearly breaking the bone; the squeal of both terror and pain thankfully stopped him, leaving him not relieved but that much more confused as to what the hell was actually happening.

 

“(Y/N)?  What are you doing here?” he whispered through clenched teeth.  His eyes darted around in the blackness that blanketed the room, his enhanced vision not enough to cut through it and be sure that you weren’t being watched.

 

“I’m helping you.”

 

“You’re…you’re helping…? But, how did you know…”

 

“I have skills, Steve, in case you’ve forgotten already.  I also have a husband on the other side of that wall, locked in a supermax cage because of you, so if you don’t mind I’d like you to get out of my way.”

 

“I didn’t ask for you to do this, (Y/N).  There’s no going back once you cross that line.”

 

“Without Sam, I have nothing to go back to anyway, Cap.  I might not be his number one concern anymore, but he’s still mine.”  
  


“What do you mean by that?”

 

“Nothing…you know what, just forget it,” you waved him away.  “Let’s get this done.  You with me or do I have to take you down too?  I’ve gotten three guards so far so I’m warmed up.”

 

“No.  Not until you answer me, (Y/N).” 

 

“Do you really not know? He always, always chooses you, Cap. That sounds so immature and whiney to say, and I hate those words coming from me, but it doesn’t make them any less true.”

 

“They’re absolutely not true.  Everything that he does is to keep you safe and because he loves you more than anyone else. (Y/N), everything he does is for you.”

 

“Well, he sure has a shit way of showing it.”

 

Steve opened his mouth to retort but he paused, eyes wide but reflecting continued confusion; as his mind hurried to catch up because every minute was ticking by way to quickly, his expression changed to that of understanding and maybe a little bit of regret. Sam wasn’t the only one who he saw as selfless; you had always been on their side and this was just the next part in your plan and you were always going to meet him here.  “You stayed behind to protect us.”

 

“I know every step you’ve taken since you ran Steve.  Of course I stayed behind for you…well, not really for you.  But we don’t have time to talk about it right now.  Tony knows that I was coming here, so if you want to get this done before he changes his mind and wants to join us, I suggest you step aside and let me work.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Well, the hotels weren’t exactly five-star.”

 

You looked to Sam, standing on the other side of Vision as the two of you held him up, watching Bruce and Nat and their extremely awkward reunion in the middle of the Avengers compound. It was a building that you had never expected to be standing in again after you had helped Steve break his team from the Raft, and when Natasha had joined you, you thought for sure she had come to turn you all in.  It was a wonderful surprise to find that she had better plans, and the way things were going now it was for the best that you had as many of the team as possible gathered together in one place.  With the exception of Tony and Peter, you were almost ready to face the mystery that was coming to end the universe as you knew it.

 

“Come on, Viz, let’s get you to the couch,” you offered, but he gently waved you away.

 

“No, there’s no time for rest.  We need to plan for what’s to come.”  As he and Wanda moved to stand together on the far side of the room, with Steve, Nat, Bruce, and Rhodey on the other, you and Sam took the opportunity for the rare moment to yourselves, stepping aside and into the nearby kitchen.

 

“What do you think’s gonna happen?” you asked him, your eyes darting towards the group before back to him. “I don’t see how Vision can survive this.  If they take the stone-“

 

“We’ll figure it out,” Sam answered flatly, but he wouldn’t meet your gaze.  “Banner will figure it out.  He has to.”

 

“Sam, I believe in Bruce just as much as anyone else, but this is beyond his area of expertise, don’t you think?  We have no idea where Tony is.  What do any of us know about this stuff?”

 

“Just trying to keep a little optimism, that’s all.”

 

“I know you are,” you sighed heavily, “I’m sorry.  It’s just that I’ve forgotten what optimism feels like.  Hell, I’ve forgotten what a good shower feels like, now that we’re back here and I miss our old room.”

 

“I’m sure we have a few minutes to sneak away?” he smiled coyly.  “No one will notice.”

 

“Steve will, don’t fool yourself.”

 

Sam furrowed his brow in thought, looking over your shoulder to where the Captain was deep in conversation with Vision.  “He looks tied up in whatever they’re talking about.  I say we make a run for it and take our chances.”

 

Turning back, you considered the option as you watched Steve, his hands firmly on his hips as he listened to Vision and Bruce continue on about their options, if there even were any. It didn’t look to be a conversation that was to be over any time soon, and you decided that maybe Sam was right; this was your opportunity.  However, unlike your husband, sneaking around wasn’t in your choice of methods.

 

“Cap?”

 

“Yeah, (Y/N)?  You have an idea?” he answered eagerly.

 

“I sure do,” you smiled widely, taking Sam’s hand, “my husband and I are unavailable for the next thirty minutes.  We’re taking advantage of five-star when we see it.”  With that, the two of you walked away, and you had expected Sam to give Steve an apologetic look or at least a shrug of inability to say no, but he gave nothing of the sort.  All that he offered the Captain was a hasty salute and complete disregard for any argument that he could try to find before the two of you were out of his sights.

 

~~~

 

It was unbelievable what a hot shower and a towel that wasn’t threadbare could do for morale.  You almost dared to feel like yourself for a few glorious minutes, but you didn’t want to risk losing yourself there when it wasn’t reality anymore.  The deep ache still filled your every muscle, but the burn within them had faded some. You still had your share of bruises from a fight only days before, and a neatly stitched gash in your left leg was healing surprisingly nicely given the fact that Steve hadn’t needed to do any for a few years now. 

 

Sam had managed to find some clean clothes that still fit you both, left over from when you ran from this very spot, and you refused to look at yourself in the mirror as you wore them; you in an Iron Maiden t-shirt that Tony had given you three Christmases ago, and Sam in a sharp button-down that came from Rhodey before the accident in Germany that your husband still harbored debilitating guilt over.

 

“Hey, you look good,” Sam whispered, stepping behind you to wrap his arms around your waist.  “You smell pretty nice, too.”

 

“Yeah, Tony always got the expensive soap, remember?”

 

“Hmm, right,” he nodded, “I guess I got used to those crappy little things we steal from the hotels. They don’t smell like anything. We should probably raid the supplies here before we take off again.”

 

“Don’t go too nuts, we still need to pack light.”

 

Sam released you and turned to finish dressing, with a quick kiss on your cheek first, “do you think we’ll ever be back here?  For good?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Do you want to?”

 

“Sometimes, yeah,” you shrugged, “but sometimes no.  I miss our old life, Sam.  When things were easier, and it was just us.”  You paused to consider your words, the last few years replaying in your mind scene by scene of battles fought together, and far too many times that you weren’t sure if either of you would make it back out without the other.  “But it’s too late for that, right?  What we’re up against now…this could be it.  This might be the end.”

 

“But it won’t be,” Sam urged, turning back, “we’re not gonna let that happen, okay?”

 

“You don’t know that, Sam.”

 

“I know that we’re gonna fight with everything we’ve got.  Have you ever seen us give up?”

 

“But…” you stopped, looking away, “that’s what scares me.  What if this is something that we can’t win, no matter what we do, and we’re just wasting the last few moments we have left?”

 

“Honey, we can’t think like that.  If we don’t believe that we can win, then we won’t.  I can’t do that, and I know that you can’t either.”  He put down the pair of socks that he was just about to put on, tossing them onto the bed carelessly so that he could take your hand and pull you back into him to hold you tight.  “I don’t know how this is going to end, (Y/N), but I know that I’m stronger with you, and that’s enough.  I promise, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

~~~

_“Sam!  Sam, (Y/N)’s down!”_

 

“I’m not…down…Steve…” you groaned, hissing in pain as you tried to push yourself up.  “I’m just…oh, shit…I’m woozy…”

 

 _“Someone get to (Y/N)!”_ Steve called out again, to anyone nearby.  He would have gone himself, and you were just at the edge of the limits of his sight, but every time he tried to advance towards you, more snarling beasts would hold him back. 

 

“I’m on my way,” T’Challa answered, “I will get her away from the field.”

 

 _“(Y/N), where are you?”_ Sam joined in, his voice completely frantic.  _“Cap, give me a landmark!”_

 

T’Challa reached you within seconds, as if he could fly with the speed he was moving over rocks and fallen trees, striking creatures away with the energy of his suit.  He stopped at your side and pushed his hands beneath you to lift you to him but he stopped, looking around to the warriors nearby. “You, give me a piece of your belt,” he commanded them, hand out and waiting for them to follow.  “Here, let me see your arm,” he now ordered you, taking your hand to see the full damage.  “The teeth have torn quite a large area of your skin away.  I must tie off the vessels so that the bleeding will stop.  It will hurt.”

 

“Just do it…I’m good.”

 

“ _Hang on, baby, I’m almost there.”_

 

“Sam, no,” you argued, “stay in position, you’re…you’re needed…there…” you stopped, your voice crushed into silence by the pain that T’Challa had just promised you.  “Sam…stay with the p-plan…”

 

“I will move her to safety, Wilson,” T’Challa added, “I give you my word.”  His grip was firm but placed as carefully as he could, trying to hold you without causing more pain; too bad it was inevitable and you were already starting to pass out with each movement.  “(Y/N), you must stay awake until I can get you to our healers.  We do not know what a bite from these creatures might do.  (Y/N), listen to me!”

 

“I’m…I-I’m awake.”

 

“Stay that way.  You must stay awake for Sam if not for yourself. There is much battle yet to be fought and he needs to know that you’re safe.  I will bring you…to my mother…” T’Challa slowed, in both his speech and his pace in moving you, until he came to a full stop as the winds around you died away and the battle fell silent. 

 

 _“Everyone on my position,”_ Steve called out to the team.

 

“He is here,” T’Challa guessed, setting you very gently onto the ground, leaving M’Baku to guard you until he could return.  “Brother, keep her safe.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Like hell he…will…” you grunted with each word, pushing yourself up against a nearby rock until you stood on wobbling legs.  “I won’t just sit here…”

 

But that was as far as you were able to get.  One by one, you watched helplessly as your teammates took their run at Thanos and failed. Their bodies tossed into the air and slammed to the ground as if they were nothing, trying and losing in their efforts to hold the monster back so that Wanda could destroy the mind stone. You wanted to help, but your body wouldn’t have it, the blood loss too much and leaving your head spinning. 

 

It wasn’t until the final moment that you would allow yourself to give in to the death your body wanted, because nothing mattered anymore.  It wasn’t until the snap, and the beginning of the end, that you would accept it for what it was.  But then, when Sam had disappeared and paid the price yet again and Steve sat right there in front of you, alive and not deserving of a single breath that he continued to take, you suddenly found the will to live just to spite the man.

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Oh, God.”

 

Steve sat motionless, next to the equally stilled Vision, but the Captain at least had the luxury of still being alive.  You crawled your way across the battlefield, your body losing blood by the minute from the uneven, shredded tear in your skin from the teeth of whatever those things were; you needed to get closer to what was left of your team, if for nothing else than to calm just a little of the fear that was overtaking you.

 

“No, stay still,” M’Baku tried, but you waved him away.  “T’Challa commanded-“

 

“Well, he’s not here, so I don’t give a shit,” you snapped, hissing under your breath with each movement. You could feel the tissue in your shoulder pulling apart, hearing the tear in the muscle as it tried to hold together, but nothing could stop you from getting to your friends.  You watched Sam disappear right before your eyes, and you would need them now more than ever.

 

You would definitely need them to keep you from choking the life out of Steve.

 

“This is all your fault,” you snarled, collapsing against a large boulder not far from where he still sat, still silent.  “He would never have been here…if it weren’t…weren’t for you…” you struggled. Each word was becoming harder to say, your air feeling strained to take in.  The lightheadedness was beginning to become too much, but your rage kept you going just enough to make your point.  “It was always…about you…Steve…”

 

“(Y/N), I’m sorry-“

 

“Shut up.  I don’t…I don’t ever want to hear…your voice again…”

 

“(Y/N),” he spoke again anyway, only this time it was urgent and it wasn’t to fight you.  He didn’t want to fight you or anyone anymore; he didn’t want to do anything at all other than to catch you before you completely fell unconscious, taking you into his tremulous grip to carry you back to the palace grounds.  He didn’t care that you hated him, and you likely always would, but what he did care about was that Sam would expect no less of him than to do everything in his power to save you even if you didn’t want him to. 

 

Sam had heard his share of fights between the two of you, and tried to stop most of them, but this was one argument that he would insist that Steve win no matter how pissed off it would make you.

 

~~~

 

Natasha stood with Steve outside of the medical bay within T’Challa’s home, watching as his staff worked on your injury quickly, not giving away any sense of how you were doing in their expressions when they took the seconds to look back.  It was gnawing away at the Captain’s resolve to not push his way into the room and demand an update, but he had promised Nat that he would do his best to behave, because they both knew that if you woke up to him standing any closer to you, it wouldn’t end well for anyone.

 

“She’s never going to forgive me, is she?”

 

“She was just upset, Steve. We all are.  But Sam…that’s on a whole other level of loss.”

 

“She was right though,” he sighed heavily, his body clearly defeated, “he was here because of me.  He was on this team because of me.  If we hadn’t gone to hide at their house back in D.C.-“

 

“Steve, (Y/N) was a part of SHIELD long before you met Sam.  We have no way of knowing that this would have ended up any differently.  He told you himself, he still had the need to serve, and this team gave him that.  I can’t believe that he wouldn’t have found his way here on his own just out of sheer determination.”

 

“Right, but this is still on me now, Nat.  I need to talk to her and take responsibility.”

 

Natasha looked from you to him and back again, staying silent as she tried to find the right words to say, to find something that could soothe even an ounce of the pain that he was feeling when she was nearly immobile from her own.  The team was in shambles, Clint wasn’t answering his phone, and no one knew where Tony was or if he had even survived the snap; Steve was crumbling before her eyes and she had never felt so helpless.  “Go and talk to the others for a while, maybe start on a plan to get us back home, okay?  Let me talk to her first.”

 

“I appreciate that, but you’re just delaying the inevitable.  Thank you,” he nodded, turning back to the window, “but I can do this on my own.  It’s not our first fight.”

 

“Yeah, trust me, I know,” Nat scoffed, turning to leave, “but it just might be your last, Steve.”

 

~~~

 

It would be nearly half a day before he would get the chance, once the surgery was complete and you were awake from the anesthesia.  They had kept you isolated from the others until you able to understand what they were telling you about what had happened and what they had to do to keep you alive.  The wounds in your arm were too violent and unable to be repaired properly, and whatever those things were that bit you, they carried with them things from other worlds; organisms in their mouths that became quickly infected throughout your body. 

 

As your eyes opened once again, they were met with pumps surrounding you, pushing antibiotics into your body as quickly as your veins could carry them.  Your whole body was shaking and every muscle ached from it, but the pain in your arm wasn’t anything like you would have expected it to be, or like what you had remembered before you passed out.  It was apparent as to why when you finally decided to take a look at just how bad it was.

 

Your arm was gone.

 

“We tried to save it,” the nurse spoke softly, “but the nerves were destroyed.  We were barely able to repair the joint in your shoulder, but with time it will heal.  When it does, we can provide a prosthetic replacement.”

 

“Well…that’s just fantastic,” you groaned.  “Did you at least get my ring?”

 

“Yes, Captain Rogers has it for safe keeping.”

 

“Jesus, just knock me back out.  Or euthanize, I don’t care.”

 

“That’s a little extreme, don’t ya think?” Natasha added, moving closer from the far side of your room. “It’s not like he’s going to wear it for you.”

 

“Why not?  He was married to Sam just as much as I was.”

 

“(Y/N),” she began, but you opened your mouth to interject, only to have her sharp glare of disapproval hold you silent.  “No, just listen for a minute, okay?  Steve and I have been talking about this while we were waiting for you to come out of surgery. He owns his part in this…in Sam being here.  But you need to own your part too, and understand that Sam made his choice.  He was never forced to do this.  If you remember, Steve tried to stop him back in D.C. and you were just as much a part in saying yes as Sam was.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You sure don’t act like you do.”

 

“Yes, I wanted to help you both back then, but as the years went by it became harder for Sam to know where the line was drawn between work and our own lives.  Steve was always at the center of every argument, Nat, so you can see how I’m gonna be a little bitter when he’s the one left standing. He’s the one…” you paused, a movement in your periphery catching your attention, “he’s the one staring at me through the window like a terrified puppy about to piss himself.  Hasn’t anyone let him out lately?”

 

“He wants to talk to you himself, but I told him to wait for me to talk first.”

 

“Wow, and he listened?”

 

“Yeah, and because you’re being a shit about it, I’m letting him in.”  She gave you a few more seconds of her trademark glare before moving to the door, opening it cautiously and waiting for Steve to enter the room.  “If I hear one voice raised in here, I’m coming back,” she warned him, “and neither of you will like it if I do.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

You took a minute to read each of the labels on the medication bags hanging over you, trying to see if any of them were for pain so that you could ask for them to push it faster before Steve could get all the way to your bedside.  A little extra kick of narcotic to haze your brain would be welcomed if you were going to tolerate the sound of his voice.  You didn’t get very far, however, and he was suddenly standing before you, his hand extended with your ring within it.

 

“Will it fit on your other hand?” he asked sheepishly.  “I can help you put it on if you want me to.”

 

“Yeah, give it a try,” you mumbled softly, holding up your hand, “better than you having it.”

 

“(Y/N), I don’t want to argue, please.”  With a very gentle, almost shaking touch, he took your hand and slid your wedding ring onto your fourth finger, smiling to himself that it fit.  “I only came here to give that back and to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m so…I’m so very sorry.  I’m going to do everything I can to find a way to bring him back.  To bring all of them back.”

 

“Steve, I don’t want to argue anymore either, but see it from my point of view…wait…what do you mean, bring them back?” you asked.  You tried to push up on your elbows to sit up and engage in the conversation with a renewed energy at his words, but with the lack of one of your arms, it was nothing more than a wobbling mess that left him to support you once again.  “You think there’s a way?”

 

“I don’t know, but we have to try.  As soon as we can move you, we’re heading home to start.”

 

“I’m ready now,” you answered quickly, just as he had anticipated, finding yourself in a much tighter grip. “Steve, I want to go.  Bruce can take over long enough to get me home.  If you think there’s a chance that we can get them back…that I can get Sam back, then even you can’t keep me on this table.”

 

“I believe you,” he smiled hesitantly, slowly helping you to sit up.  “Take it easy, okay?  At least listen to me that much.”

 

“Mmm hmm,” you waved dismissively, “I’m sure they have a spare arm or two that didn’t fit on Bucky laying around here somewhere, so find one and get me outta here.”

 

Steve smiled wider at that at first, thankful for the brief moment of levity within the terror that surrounded them all, but then it only reminded him of yet another of his losses, and the fleeting feeling was just as quickly gone.  He looked at your injury, and when you caught his attention to it, his gaze immediately lowered to his feet in embarrassment.

 

“Hey, don’t look at me like that,” you warned, “I’m not about to become your new one-armed best bud, so let’s move faster so we can get started, alright?  The faster we get your playmate back, the better it will be for all of us.”

 


	6. Finale

_Five years later_

“You sure about this? I don’t think that Sam would be too thrilled to see me flying around in these things.”

 

“(Y/N), who else better to take his place than you?” Tony asked with a weak smile.  “I’ve built the wings to be the lightest and most aerodynamic yet, and when we get your husband back tomorrow, he’s gonna be so damn jealous. I can’t wait to see that, so humor me, please, if for nothing else.”

 

“That’s your only goal?”

 

“No,” he scoffed, “of course not.  I want to hear you give him hell about it.  I’ve done my time listening to you and it’s only been a day.”

 

“Well, I’m sorry. Things have been a little tense. Banner’s about to put that gauntlet of doom thing on and if he doesn’t get this right-“

 

“He will.”

 

“I know he will,” you clarified, “but we need to keep a little realism here.  After the day we’ve had, nothing seems real anymore.”

 

Tony could only nod and take a step back, admiring his work one more time before everyone could finally be considered ready.  The rest of the team had taken their places around Bruce and kept trained eyes on the man, in full gear and ready to take down a Hulk if things started to go south. There was no guarantee that he could even wear the gauntlet without it killing him before he had the chance to snap his fingers; there was no guarantee of anything. 

 

The air in the room was heavy with a strange humidity from the shared anxieties and a heaviness of desperation that pulled the wind from your lungs.  Standing just behind Tony, sharing his shield with Clint, you closed your eyes and took a long breath, trying to remember every detail of Sam’s face just in case it was the last time that you would be able to see it.

 

~~~

 

When your eyes opened again, the world around you was gone.  It had been replaced by fire, crushing weight and dust that stung your eyes and dried the tears that tried to wash it away before they could fall.  Each breath taken burned like the flames that threatened to touch you, and even if you had tried to call out for your team, no sound found came; you simply didn’t have the power for your voice to carry.

 

“(Y/N)!”

 

“Tony?” you barely whispered.  There was no way that he could possibly have heard you.

 

“(Y/N), I see you,” he called back, “hold on!”

 

“Not going anywhere…”

 

Huge pieces of rubble were cleared away quickly and as if they had weighed nothing at all; if it weren’t for his suit, you were sure that Tony would have collapsed from the stress alone.  As soon as your line of sight began to clear and more light was allowed to help, you saw that Steve was on the other side of the pile, working with Tony to get both you and Barton out as he crawled up from the depths of what remained of the compound’s main building. 

 

“(Y/N), are you injured?” Steve said next.

 

“I don’t think so, just shaken up.  Everything hurts but that’s expected, right?”

 

“Can you help get the others?” Tony asked quickly, repeatedly looking back and over his shoulder. “Cap, we need to get over there. Thor’s got an eye on him but he’s on his own.”

 

Without having to see anything at all, you knew exactly who Tony was talking about.  There was no one else in the entirety of the universe that could put that look of terror, anger, and revenge into his expression, and no one who could so willingly resolve Stark to the idea of these being his last moments if it meant that the world might be saved in exchange.  It was a look that you couldn’t stand to see, but you completely understood.  “Tony, go, I’m on it.  Steve, go.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Cap, go.  Kill him properly this time.”

 

You watched as the two men left to join Thor, standing together for what could easily be the final time for all anyone knew.  The battle began to rage behind you as you searched for other surviving members of your team, and you wanted desperately to get back to it to help; there were no guarantees that anyone else had survived, and you felt that your efforts were best spent on the field, even if that meant fighting at Steve’s side again.  You had fought against yourself successfully until FRIDAY’s voice filled your ears through your communicator, her tone taking on emotion that you had never heard from her before.

 

_“Boss, wake up!”_

 

That couldn’t be good. You ran as fast as your injured and exhausted legs would carry you, out into the open where fires burned hotter than before, and the blue sky was charred and looked as if it might never return to this place.  You pushed your way up on bruised and torn knees, to a precipice of shattered building, just enough to see Steve standing alone, facing Thanos with his shield in one hand, and Thor’s hammer in the other.

 

“Son of a bitch,” you mumbled in pure shock.  “Didn’t see that coming.”

 

You watched with awe as Steve swung Mjolnir with ease and held his own against the Titan, though the giant had eventually come out on top.  You were helpless as your Captain was tossed aside like a rag doll, his shield cracked in half and blood streaming from beneath his cowl.  It wasn’t a shock to see him try to push on, standing with indignance and prepared to take one last run at the giant army even if he had to do it alone.  You took a step towards him so if nothing else, he wouldn’t die without a friend at his side.  You only made it one step.

 

_“Cap?  Cap, come in, can you hear me?  It’s Sam.”_

 

It was the one and only thing that had any power to pull you from your decision to make peace with the end. The one thing…one person, who could make you push yourself to move again and take steps back into the battle.  It was Sam.

_“Cap…on your left.”_

 

But the sound of his voice was all that you would have for now; the battle began again immediately, this time with a much more evenly balanced field once those who had been snapped away were returned.  You tried to connect with your husband, who you had lost for five years now, but each battle that you engaged in only tore you farther away from him.  There was so much going on, so many flashes of people you knew and armies of creatures that you couldn’t identify, that seeing even a glimpse of Sam was a chance sighting at best.  The next time you would see him would be at an unimaginable moment, when a reconciliation wasn’t appropriate, but when you needed nothing more than to find yourself in his arms again after far too long.

 

_“We won, Mr. Stark.”_

 

~~~

 

“This isn’t how it was supposed to go,” you whispered, standing next to Sam in the driveway of the home that Tony and Pepper had shared.  “He didn’t want to do this, but we pushed.  All he cared about was that he couldn’t lose what he found here, and now they’ve been the ones to lose him.  It isn’t fair.”

 

“I know it isn’t, but it was still his choice.”

 

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.  If there was going to be a chance, he was going to find the answer or suffer every day that he tried to deny it.  He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he hadn’t tried.”

 

“Hey, let’s just focus on saying goodbye, and be thankful for what he did.  He gave us another shot at this.”

 

“I am thankful,” you answered, almost with a snap of attitude that he wasn’t expecting.

 

“Babe, I wasn’t implying that you weren’t, okay?  All I meant was that I want us to be in this moment.  If I’ve learned anything, it’s that a moment means nothing if it’s taken for granted.”

 

“You know, that sounds like a really well-built belief, Sam, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. You have no idea what it’s been like. You have no right to say anything about how I should spend my moments, alright?”

 

“Alright,” he answered softly, hands up in deference.  “Alright, I’m sorry.”

 

“I was Tony’s friend long before you knew a thing about him.  The last thing that I want to hear from you is that I need to feel thankful because he gave up everything for us.  All he ever wanted was peace, and to have a life free of this bullshit, and when he finally got it, we guilted him into giving it up.  Now that little girl…” you paused, fighting the lump in your throat as it choked your voice away, “Sam…how am I supposed to look at her now…”

 

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” he rushed forward, pulling you tight to him; so tight that you allowed yourself to let him carry your weight when you finally gave in.  If it could be an option, you’d allow yourself to absorb into him, just to avoid what was coming next.  “It’s okay.  I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.  I’m not leaving you again, I promise.”

 

“You can’t.”

 

“I can’t what?”

 

“Promise,” you whispered shakily into him.  “None of us can make that promise ever again.”

 

~~~

 

Little did you know, little did any of you know, that you were dangerously accurate in your prediction. 

 

Tony’s funeral had gone as expected; solemn and respectful, attended by people you never would have thought to be there.  It was attended by people from entirely different galaxies who had barely known the man but knew how important he was and how selfless his actions had been to save them.  Pepper was strong, as usual, and even little Morgan wore her best stoic expression. She was clearly a Stark through and through and it gave you a glimmer of hope that she would be okay after all.

 

Steve had volunteered to return each Infinity Stone back to the point from which they were taken, feeling that he was best suited to handle each situation should anything go wrong. He was also the only one who could return Mjolnir back to past Asgard when Thor declined the mission entirely. It was supposed to be simple; a quick trip to each point and back home, taking only seconds for those of you who remained in the current time.

 

But when Steve didn’t return as planned, you knew immediately what had happened; deep down, you had known what he would do before he ever left.  As Sam pushed Bruce to get Steve back, you wandered to a nearby bench overlooking the lake, where your answers waited to be spoken.  Bucky stopped you, taking your arm for a second to hold you back.

 

“Don’t stop him.”

 

“You really think I could?” you huffed.  “I can see the damn shield from here.  I just need to talk to him before Sam does.”

 

“Okay, well go easy on him. He looks a little frail.”

 

You approached the bench with light steps, but you knew that he could still hear you; even with the age that he was now wearing, Steve hadn’t lost his enhanced senses.  Taking a seat at his side, you nearly pulled your hand back as he rested his on it, the shaking not from nerves but from the passage of time, each wrinkle in his skin carrying its own story.  “Hey, Cap.  Rough trip?”

 

“Hey, (Y/N).”

 

“So, did something go wrong? Or did something go right?”

 

“That’s maybe a story for another time,” he smiled gently.  “I know that you didn’t come over here to ask me about my trip.”

 

He was right, and it pissed you off that he was right so often, even now after everything that had happened.  “I know what you’re doing.  You sure you don’t want to give that to Buck?” you asked, pointing at the shield that rested next to his leg.  “I think it would look really cool with that arm of his.”

 

“You have the same arm.”

 

“Yeah, but his is more…muscle…y.”

 

“That’s not even a word, (Y/N).” Steve laughed.  “But no, we talked about that already, and he wants to find his own way for the first time in a long time.  Actually…I was considering giving it to you.”

 

“Shut the hell up,” you gasped, slapping his arm.  You had forgotten yourself and your strength, tipping him slightly but enough so that you had to catch him.  “Don’t you dare, Rogers.”

 

“Then that leaves Sam, doll. You know as well as I do that he’s the right choice.  From the day that Nat and I showed up on your doorstep, I knew.”

 

“I’ve regretted that every day since,” you admitted, albeit with a smirk.  “You’ve been a major pain in my ass, Steve, and now, you’re passing the torch to my husband so I’ll never be rid of you.”

 

“That was my plan all along. I’m glad to hear that it’s working.”

 

With a heavy sigh, you dropped your gaze to your feet, wanting to give the man at least a polite chuckle, but you held it back.  If this was going to be the last time that you saw Steve Rogers in this lifetime then you wanted to at least give an effort to end your stressed friendship on a descent tone.  “Do me one favor, okay?” you asked quietly.

 

“Of course.”

 

“If he says no,” you answered, looking up eagerly, “then let him say no.  You know as well as I do that if you push, he’ll give because it’s you.”

 

“I won’t, I promise. I’ll only ask once.”  Steve laughed softly to himself and turned fully towards you, smiling with that dumb grin that told you he was thinking he was about to win the conversation.  “On one condition.”

 

“Oh, god.  What?”

 

“That if he says no, I get to ask you.”

 

“Ask her what?” Sam broke into the conversation, arms crossed and brow furrowed as he waited not so patiently for the answer.  “Something I need to know going on over here?”

 

“Nope, nothing going on,” you reassured him, “he actually wants to talk to you.”  You gave Steve a quick kiss on his cheek for a goodbye, looking at him purposefully as if to remind him of the promise he had just made. “See ya around, Cap.”

 

“Bye, (Y/N).”

 

Bucky had been standing well to the side of the whole conversation, watching and listening in silence until it was time to send Sam in.  You could tell that he was sad about the turn of events, in that he was losing his best friend before getting time to know each other again after so long, but as he watched Sam take the shield in hand, you recognized that there was more than that being exchanged.  He had lost Steve, but he still had Sam.   

 

“I’m never going to escape that damn thing, am I, Buck?” you groaned, resting your head on his shoulder as you stood next to him.  A moment of pause happened before he decided that he could answer, but he still sounded unsure of himself; it was so convincing that you weren’t certain if he was being serious or not.  It was a glimpse into your new future. 

 

“Uh…I assume you’re talking about the shield…right?  Because if you mean Sam, then I’ve got a few ideas…”


End file.
